self help

Ten Best Books I Read This Year

I made this list for obvious reasons. Obvious to me but since you’re not in my head, here they are:

  1. I love lists.
  2. It’s the end of December* so end of year top ten lists are all the rage.
  3. I read a whole lot of books this year that you should read too.

Ten Best Books I Read in 2015

Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski – have questions about your sexuality? (if you don’t are you sure you’re human?) This book is for you. It’s for all of us.

Modern Romance by Aziz Ansari – It makes you think, it makes you laugh, and I loved it.

Wallbanger by Alice Clayton – Oh wow. Just so much love for this one!

The Duff by Kody Keplinger – This is an awesome YA novel to read at any age and the movie absolutely doesn’t do it justice.

American Gods by Neil Gaiman – This one is a life changer for sure.

Sandman Volumes 1-10 by Neil Gaiman – I don’t recommend binge reading these like I did. They are intense.

Tanglewreck by Jeanette Winterson – I was surprised to find out Jeanette Winterson wrote a book for young readers. Turns out it’s only in the youth section because the heroine is twelve.

The Gifts of Imperfection by Brene Brown – If you haven’t read anything by Brene, do so now.

A Room with a View by E. M. Forster – delightful

How to be a Woman by Caitlin Moran – Hilarious, insightful, and relevant.

Happy reading!

 

*Note: When I started writing this list, it WAS the end of December.

 

 

Off Roading For A Few Days

For the past few days I have been on a therapist prescribed Staycation. In my last session I told my therapist I was feeling anxious and exhausted after the holidays. Every time one of my friends or family asked me to do something (fun things, things I’d normally enjoy), I’d get a wave of anxiety and a gut feeling that I needed to say no. My therapist reminded me that after periods of intense energy outpour, such as the holidays, I needed to recharge. Being an introvert, that meant I needed time alone. So she wrote me a prescription for at least two days off from social interaction of any kind.

There were some guidelines for this Staycation:

  1. I would practice suspension of judgement.
  2. I would practice mindfulness.
  3. I would do most to all of my twenty coping skills (everything from drink lots of water to exercise to deep breathing).
  4. I would not talk to anyone.

I told my family and some of my friends I was unavailable for two days, buried my phone in the laundry basket, took the clock off the wall, and practiced calming my frazzled nervous system.

The first day I had a few moments of panic. I’d remember approaching deadlines and calls I had to return and events I had to attend. I got into a real panic over the Christmas cards I hadn’t sent out (who ever gets those out on time anyway?).

The second day I settled into it. Last night I decided to extend my Staycation two more days because I could. Because it was helping, a lot.

What I’ve Taken Away:

  • I love yoga. It’s yoga classes I can’t handle.
  • Life can be fun, adventurous, meaningful, and whimsical. It’s not all struggle and strife.
  • Mindfulness is hard. I find it easier to be mindful when I’m physically doing something – cleaning, walking, painting.
  • I am really addicted to my phone and I don’t want to be.
  • The present moment, without the past or future to cloud it, is kind of amazing.

I encourage everyone to try this, even if only for a few hours or a day. Do things that feed your body, mind, and spirit. Things that recharge you and heal you. This staycation didn’t cost me anything extra. I actually got more done than I normally would and I felt better doing it. My personal goal is to do thing every few months.

Emotion Like A Destiny’s Child Song

Note: This is a post I wrote a few weeks ago. I won’t deny it’s validity by saying it reads like an angsty me teenager (though it does). I wrote it because I felt I could try to explain what was going on with me at the time. Now I’m posting it as a way of sharing where I’ve been these past few weeks. If the emotional stuff is too much for you, never fear, the comedy versions coming out later today.

Today I am sad and out of sorts. It has to do, in part, with these things:

  • Tomorrow my friend is going to put down her long-suffering dog. This is a dog I’ve known for years, who I used to live with, who I’ve pet sat for on many an occasion. I’m stopping by tonight to say goodbye but how do you begin to say goodbye?
  • People keep telling me there’s a song written about me. They’re thinking about “Cecilia” by Simon and Garfunkel. I know because people have been telling me that and singing to me most of my life. I am sad that they can’t read my name tag properly. I am sad that they’re trying so hard to connect but are going about it all wrong. I am sad because I don’t have the energy to correct them or care that they’re wrong. I respond to Cecelia. How sad is that? It’s not even my name.
  • I’ve been getting pretty sad and worked up about fictional characters lately. I love fictional characters, love them so much it hurts when the book is over or the character dies.

Mostly I am just sad. As in the depressed kind of sad. Sometimes I consider myself a high functioning depressed person. Sometimes I call it mild depression.

The drugs make it so I feel generally a little better. They also make it harder to cry. Like there are tears constantly building up behind my eyes but they won’t spill over, they just build and build until I am so upset I can’t help myself. Sometimes I wish I could cry more or better or whatever.

It’s this ache in my chest. It squeezes my heart, trying to squeeze out all the emotion. But the only emotion I have, the only one that is there, is sadness. It squeezes and I feel more sad and still no tears.

Living with depression is like that. There are good days and bad days, ups and downs like whoa. The middle ground is an illusion we don’t know about anymore.

Books, A Love Affair

I’m having a love affair with books. What we have is precious, a once in a lifetime romance. I always have more than one book going at a time in order to keep a well-rounded, healthy reading life. (P.S. my mother says that if I spend as much time and energy on exercising as I do on researching, acquiring, and reading books I’d be in great shape.)

My categories:

The romance novel. This one is partially research for my own writing but mostly a fun, tittilating read. I devour these books. I have to read them within days or else they consume my mind, making it impossible to think about anything but the book.

The non-fiction book. This is usually on my current, personal research topic. At the moment I am researching relationships, dating, and media. You would not believe the number of fascinating books on this topic that have come out in the past year.

The bed stand book. This is also a non-fiction book and, frankly, one that puts me to sleep. I find it relaxing to fall asleep to a book. Though sometimes I start to dream, wake up, and continue reading and often I can’t distinguish what was in my dream and what was in the book.

The self help book. I know. You’re thinking – what can you possibly have to improve about yourself? You’re perfect already.

The book needs to go back to the library but I’m determined to read it before the due date. This happens more often than you’d think.

There you have it. The books of my reading harem.

A Whirlwind of Books (Wouldn’t that be cool!)

Since I’ve been in the process of moving the site for the past week or so, I haven’t had a chance to update you all on my latest literary conquests! So here they are:Unknown-1

Last week I read Wallbanger by Alice Clayton. If you like smut, especially funny smut, you really can’t get any better than Alice Clayton. I aspire to write smut this hilarious! Thank you, Alice Clayton for writing this book and then for writing four more in the series so I don’t have to say goodbye to your comedy genius just yet!
Of course, before I go on to read the rest of the series, I had to finish up some library books whose impending due dates and lack of renewal opportunities rushed them to the top of the list. One of thesUnknowne was You Are A Badass: How to Stop Doubting Your Greatness and Start Living an Awesome Life by Jen Sincero. It was transformative. Every time I read a passage I thought, that’s right, I am awesome, I can do this, I can be the best me I can be! Of course, as with most books, I’ve only retained about 30% of what I read. But that 30% is remarkably useful.

The section that really spoke to me was about money. I am someone who can get by on very little money. I am also someone who has lived my life up until now viewing money as the root of all evils. What Jen Sincero points out is that money isn’t an enemy or a friend, it isn’t anything really until we apply the emotional, cultural, and psychological aspects of our interactions with and surrounding it to the picture. Money is not the root of all evil. I don’t have to be afraid of making it or not making it. But I do need to accept that there is a certain amount of money that I need to  accomplish what I want (improving living situation, eating healthy, giving back, financing my writing, etc.). That amount is my goal. Not the bare minimum I can live on, not the money I’d make if I sold out my dreams, the amount I need to accomplish what I want to do. So I’m going to try out this new attitude and see what happens.

I am currently devouring Modern Romance by Aziz Ansari so look for that review coming up in a few days!

Before the End

I started reading this book and I can already tell it’s gonna be a life changer. I can’t wait until the end to review it, I have to talk about it now. It’s called One Person/Multiple Careers: A New Model for Work/Life Success by Marci Alboher. The book was mentioned in Brene Brown’s The Gifts of Imperfection (also a must read) and the idea of it stuck with me all the way to the library.

What is this revolutionary piece of work, you ask? It is a collection of experiences, of people, of ideas about how to create a slash lifestyle, how to live in the slash. This is not about having multiple jobs, it’s about having multiple careers that each engage us in different ways. She talks about a scientist/poet, a computer programmer/theater director, a journalist/house painter, and many many more.

I am already living the slash lifestyle (writer/wedding coordinator/library substitute) but what I find so engaging about this book is the idea of balance and intention with each of the slashes. It’s not about becoming a workaholic or making each slash a full time career. It’s about creating a balance of work that feeds your interests, passions, personality, and strengths in different ways to create a complete, happy you.

I have a few slash “jobs” that are hovering at the edges. Now, as I read this, I’m already thinking about how to let those go so I can focus my time and energy on my writer, wedding coordinator, and library substitute slashes.