Things Just Got Real

Reflections on a Book the Night Before its Release

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It’s going to sound cheesy but tomorrow, one of my life long dreams comes true. I’ve wanted to write novels since before I learned to write. Back then I used to draw my stories (which were always about horses living on islands for some reason).

I wrote the first draft of Celebrity Spin Doctor in early 2013. I’d had a pep talk with myself that went something like”Celia, if you want to write books, you actually need to write a book.” So I did. It took me four months and the end result was awful. Mostly because I’d written the thing while listening to the Twilight soundtracks and it came out all serious and moody.

I let it sit. Then I let it sit some more. I tried to go to grad school for creative writing so I pulled out the first three chapters and polished them to within an inch of their life.

I didn’t get into grad school. Not a single one of the ten I applied to. Best thing that ever happened to me. And probably to Celebrity Spin Doctor.

But it still hurt to get that much rejection. Somewhere within and after the pain of all that, I decided I was going to rewrite this book and actually try to get it published. I started sending it out in the spring/summer of 2016. By the fall I had a publishing contract!

It was not to be. For reasons beyond their control, the publisher closed up shop when the book was still in the early editing stages. That was the winter of 2017.

I tried again. And again. By the end of the year I was thoroughly discouraged. So I made myself a deal – I would send the book to every romance publisher I could find at the beginning of 2018. If everyone said no, I would move on to another book.

Well, as you can see, it didn’t come to that. InkSpell Publishing snatched it up right out of the gate and here we are! Celebrity Spin Doctor comes out tomorrow and I still have to keep reminding myself it’s not a dream. It’s not, right?

The Week Before

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This is not a drill people. In one week from today, Celebrity Spin Doctor will be hitting online stores everywhere!

Ok, that’s all I wanted to share. Thanks, bye!

P.S. Well there is one more thing. If you want to celebrate with me next Thursday, stop by your social media platform of choice (Facebook or Instagram. I’m not a Twitter person) between 6-8pm EDT. I’ll be having a Facebook party, which you can RSVP for on my author page, and I will be posting stories and pics on Instagram. Frankie will probably make an appearance. Sorcha will not. I asked her and she said she has a very important nap planned that night.

Hope you can make it!

Lots of News

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September came before I knew it and now we’re only 16 days away from my first ever book release! I don’t even know what to think.

But luckily I do remember all the things that I should have shared and haven’t yet:

For all you bloggers, reviewers, and librarians out there, Celebrity Spin Doctor can now be requested on NetGalley! If you haven’t used NetGalley before but you review books on Goodreads, Amazon, a personal blog, a professional blog, etc., check it out! It’s free to join. You can request pre-pub copies of books from a variety of publishers. I’ve been using it for almost two years and have found some great stuff to buy for the library, even if I don’t always remember to send my reviews back to the publishers…

Second, my sister Tara is giving away 10 pre-pub copies of Celebrity Spin Doctor on her Facebook! Look for Tara Mulder and tell her what the last book you loved was. Last I checked there were still a few left. If you’re not on Facebook, comment on this post and I’ll pass it along to her.

I’m also participating in the Genre Party over on Facebook. Every day for the month of September, different authors in all subgenres of romance will be hanging out in the Facebook group, doing giveaways and chatting about their books. I’ll be there from 4-5pm EST on September 9th and from 6-7pm EST on September 28th. I will have exclusive giveaways just for the party!

And don’t worry friends who aren’t on Facebook, I’ll on Instagram too and you can enter there as well.

If you haven’t done so yet, there’s still plenty of time to enter my pre-order giveaway. Remember to send me a copy of your order confirmation, so I know to enter you!

 

One Week…

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No I’m not talking about the Barenaked Ladies song (although that is the best). I’m talking about the cover reveal of my first book, Celebrity Spin Doctor, being one week away!!! That’s Friday, August 17th!!

(Head’s up, there will be excessive exclamation marks throughout this post and probably most of what I post throughout the next week. I regret nothing.)

Not only will you be able to see the cover that I’ve been keeping secret for these past few months, you’ll also be able to, if you’re so inclined, pre-order the book!!

Where do you go to pre-order? Well don’t you worry. I’ll be sharing the links for Amazon, Barnes and Noble, and Kobo EVERYWHERE.

I’ll also be doing a fun, themed giveaway, open to anyone who pre-orders the book.

(Think I mentioned pre-order enough?)

 

Pieces of Things

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Some drafts I found:

From December 30th 2015

I like the idea of starting the weekend with a book suggestion. I hope you do too!

Now, pay attention. If you read NOTHING else that I recommend, read this book. If you read nothing else this year, read this book. If you don’t read, well, I’m not sure how you found this post but I’m glad you did because I’m going to tell you to read this book.

The book I’m talking about? Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski

This book does something that should have been done a long time ago. It would have saved all of us, but particularly us women, a lot of heartache. It tells us that we are normal. Specifically, our sexuality is normal. Emily says a lot – we have all the same parts, just organized differently. She tells us that unless you are in physical pain, you are normal, your sexual response is normal, your feelings and attractions and desires are guess what? Normal.

For someone who didn’t absorb anything in science classes, Emily made this stuff approachable through some great metaphors. She walks you through the technical parts and shows how important those are to understanding the social, cultural, self expressive parts of sexuality. She gives us hope that no matter how screwed up your childhood was or what cultural messages made you feel inherently wrong or bad, you can heal and recover and are still normal.

Some of my most deeply held ideas were challenged by this book in the best way possible.

From March 9th 2018

Whew, it has been a long time since I’ve written on here. Part of me wants to delete the whole thing and start again so that no one can read the rambling posts from my years ago self. Only that’s how I’ve ended up with so many internet footprints. One time someone told me they found and read a blog of mine that I was certain had been deleted. Yet nothing is ever truly gone from the internet. Not when sites and companies own all of the content you post.

But I digress.

You are seeing me, dear readers, at the end of my graduate school journey. It has been a long two years and the next six weeks are certain to be an uphill battle to graduation. I am full of trepidation about the future and the constant feeling that there’s something I’ve forgotten in the present.

I have some ideas for the future of this blog. Of course I will continue to write about my writing journey and the weird romance novels I find. But I’m also going to put in some longer pieces about library topics I think are important. If you follow my instagram (and you should) you know that I post there about three things: my life (ok, mostly my cats), library stuff, and writing stuff.

Off Roading For A Few Days

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For the past few days I have been on a therapist prescribed Staycation. In my last session I told my therapist I was feeling anxious and exhausted after the holidays. Every time one of my friends or family asked me to do something (fun things, things I’d normally enjoy), I’d get a wave of anxiety and a gut feeling that I needed to say no. My therapist reminded me that after periods of intense energy outpour, such as the holidays, I needed to recharge. Being an introvert, that meant I needed time alone. So she wrote me a prescription for at least two days off from social interaction of any kind.

There were some guidelines for this Staycation:

  1. I would practice suspension of judgement.
  2. I would practice mindfulness.
  3. I would do most to all of my twenty coping skills (everything from drink lots of water to exercise to deep breathing).
  4. I would not talk to anyone.

I told my family and some of my friends I was unavailable for two days, buried my phone in the laundry basket, took the clock off the wall, and practiced calming my frazzled nervous system.

The first day I had a few moments of panic. I’d remember approaching deadlines and calls I had to return and events I had to attend. I got into a real panic over the Christmas cards I hadn’t sent out (who ever gets those out on time anyway?).

The second day I settled into it. Last night I decided to extend my Staycation two more days because I could. Because it was helping, a lot.

What I’ve Taken Away:

  • I love yoga. It’s yoga classes I can’t handle.
  • Life can be fun, adventurous, meaningful, and whimsical. It’s not all struggle and strife.
  • Mindfulness is hard. I find it easier to be mindful when I’m physically doing something – cleaning, walking, painting.
  • I am really addicted to my phone and I don’t want to be.
  • The present moment, without the past or future to cloud it, is kind of amazing.

I encourage everyone to try this, even if only for a few hours or a day. Do things that feed your body, mind, and spirit. Things that recharge you and heal you. This staycation didn’t cost me anything extra. I actually got more done than I normally would and I felt better doing it. My personal goal is to do thing every few months.

Emotion Like A Destiny’s Child Song

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Note: This is a post I wrote a few weeks ago. I won’t deny it’s validity by saying it reads like an angsty me teenager (though it does). I wrote it because I felt I could try to explain what was going on with me at the time. Now I’m posting it as a way of sharing where I’ve been these past few weeks. If the emotional stuff is too much for you, never fear, the comedy versions coming out later today.

Today I am sad and out of sorts. It has to do, in part, with these things:

  • Tomorrow my friend is going to put down her long-suffering dog. This is a dog I’ve known for years, who I used to live with, who I’ve pet sat for on many an occasion. I’m stopping by tonight to say goodbye but how do you begin to say goodbye?
  • People keep telling me there’s a song written about me. They’re thinking about “Cecilia” by Simon and Garfunkel. I know because people have been telling me that and singing to me most of my life. I am sad that they can’t read my name tag properly. I am sad that they’re trying so hard to connect but are going about it all wrong. I am sad because I don’t have the energy to correct them or care that they’re wrong. I respond to Cecelia. How sad is that? It’s not even my name.
  • I’ve been getting pretty sad and worked up about fictional characters lately. I love fictional characters, love them so much it hurts when the book is over or the character dies.

Mostly I am just sad. As in the depressed kind of sad. Sometimes I consider myself a high functioning depressed person. Sometimes I call it mild depression.

The drugs make it so I feel generally a little better. They also make it harder to cry. Like there are tears constantly building up behind my eyes but they won’t spill over, they just build and build until I am so upset I can’t help myself. Sometimes I wish I could cry more or better or whatever.

It’s this ache in my chest. It squeezes my heart, trying to squeeze out all the emotion. But the only emotion I have, the only one that is there, is sadness. It squeezes and I feel more sad and still no tears.

Living with depression is like that. There are good days and bad days, ups and downs like whoa. The middle ground is an illusion we don’t know about anymore.

The Traverse City Film Festival

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Every year since it started in 2005, I’ve made it to at least one film at the Traverse City Film Festival. Pretty cool, huh? And for the past few years I’ve come away with a prevailing idea to ruminate on and possibly do something about. Perhaps these will turn into stories or books someday, perhaps activist movements or social media campaigns, who knows.

This year I was thinking about celebrity. I saw the Amy Winehouse documentary “Amy.” It perfectly exemplifies the destructive power of celebrity. I felt sad, not only about the tragedy of her life and death, but about the way she was hounded, slandered, and spewed across every single media venue there is. We are brutal to our celebrities, augmenting their every mistake, chastising their every misstep. Is it that we want to bring them down to our level? Do we find some sick fascination in reading about their downward spirals? Personally I think it’s nothing short of tragic that every child star ends up rehab and that their struggle with addiction is plastered across the tabloids at the grocery store check out.

I saw a headline the other day that speculated whether Jennifer Aniston was pregnant or whether she’d made a bad wardrobe choice.

Ouch.

I don’t know what to do with this yet. But I want to open the conversation.

The Things We Never Say

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I am a big proponent of being open and honest with our words. I am all for free speech and authenticity and sharing. There are, however, certain things that aren’t said for a reason. They aren’t said because the only possible outcome will be to hurt another person. It’s not a good reaction/bad reaction situation. It’s just going to hurt.

What I’m talking about is asking a woman if she’s pregnant.

I was at an event just a few weeks ago wearing an outfit I didn’t feel comfortable in. I wanted to look professional but hadn’t had time to change so I was worried about how my shirt was a little too short and my pants kept falling down a tad. I wasn’t relaxed. Another person, a person I had to be courteous and attentive to because it was my job to be, came up to me and asked me if I was having a baby.

I immediately felt shamed. My face turned red, I hunched over, I wanted to run away. “No,” I said quickly. I was turning my class ring, the one I always wear on my right hand, because I’d read a story about a woman who turns her ring three times before answering, as a way of thinking instead of reacting. The woman asked me if I was married. I said no again, still furiously turning my ring. She persisted, asking me if I was looking for a husband. At this point I wanted to punch her. Instead I said not really and turned my back, effectively closing off the conversation. What else could I do? I couldn’t pull her aside and tell her she was insulting me or tell her to shut up and leave me alone. She was a VIP for the event! All I could do was busy myself with something else and hope she left me alone.

I will probably never see that woman again. I will probably never have the chance to tell her she hurt me. All I can do is share the experience, write about it, and let it go. There are some things we never say because they are shaming and insulting. I’ve shared the one that affects me on a not infrequent basis because of the way I look.

Next time you see a woman with a belly, please remember that it might just be a food baby and keep your mouth shut.